I have to share a little conversation we had today (which was a horrible day, filled with Paige screaming and lots of crying by both of us).
Paige: I wish we could get along better. (Sad, huh? I know... I feel awful.)
Me: Me too. What do you think would help?
Paige: If you just let me do whatever I wanted. I would be so nice to you if you did. I swear!
So that's where we differ on how things should be handled. :) Seriously though, I never thought parenting a 4 year old would be so hard. I just don't know how to handle her sometimes. The weird thing is that Nate doesn't seem to have problems with her. He claims that when I'm gone she is much more obedient. What? He is so much more in control than I am. I really don't know what to do or how to be a better mom for her, but I have a feeling that things will get better with time. Maybe I'm wrong or just delusional, but I think this is just a phase. It is, right?
7 comments:
I feel the exact same way about Sarah most of the time and she's not even 3 yet! I just go around saying 1..2..3! All day long just to get her to listen. And any little thing sets her off in a tantrum. But I just try to give her lots of hugs, kisses and tell her I love her... inbetween all the yelling and time-out that *occasionally* happens. Hang in there! Have you tried the love and logic approach?
I'm so sorry :( Let's get together tomorrow--I'll bring a bunch of ice cream and chocolate sauce. We'll drown those sorrows. It will get better, but enduring it is so rough. Hope it helps to know that those same traits that make raising her at 4 years old difficult will probably end up being such a blessing to have when she's older. Kids always seem to be tougher on their mommas.
I have a philosophy that hard children grow out of it and are great teenagers, while great, easy kids become rotten teenagers. I was such a good little girl... then high school happened. Anyway, I think you're absolutely right about getting better with time. I also love that you are posting about it because that makes you real. All of us moms are struggling with all the same things. Wondering if we're doing all we can and being patient enough, I for sure do. I pray every night that my girls will know I love them because I don't know if I really showed it that day. And the whole Nate thing, all husbands act like they have no idea what our problem is... they aren't around the kids enough to really see everything.
Oh my gosh Ashley! This is how I am with Hallie. She is very strong-willed and when she has her mind set on something, there is no reasoning with her. I'm glad you mentioned that Nate seems to have no problems with her. Same here.
Have you heard of/read "Love and Logic"? It really helped us. Instead of telling Hallie what she needed to do (ie: you need to go brush your teeth, etc.), give her a choice (do you want to brush your teeth now or in 1 minute?). Then they feel like they are in control and you are still getting her teeth brushed. Win, win.
I hope that helped :)
You are a great mom and Paige loves you--remember that ;)
Remember you are creating another person at the moment...one who will be coming out of you very soon I might add...be kind to yourself. You are a great mom. Having a strong willed child is so hard. Pray everyday for specific things to help deal with Paige better. Pray for more patience. Things won't ever be perfect but you will feel better for sure ;)
I would also recommend the Love and Logic approach. But I don't know how to handle a strong-willed child. Sorry.
So... I have a strong-willed child too. Her name is Grace. (Irony is the pits.)
I did Love and Logic. I still do it. It did not magically make a difference. It's just another parenting method, and I'm not sure it matters which one you choose as long as you're consistent.
Here are the things that help(ed) me (and may or may not help you because I'm pretty sure you're a better mother than I am):
1. Consistency. Do the same thing every time. Don't let her talk you out of it (I have an EXCELLENT negotiator. Drives me crazy because somehow she sometimes gets out of it and I have no clue what happened.)
2. Hitting it hard first thing in the morning. If Grace was ever difficult in the morning, I made punishment immediate (no warning), and harsh. So, for example, if she whined ONCE, I would (without warning) carry her to time out and refuse any discussion. If she screamed or kicked things, I would add a minute to her Time Out. My only words to her were, "I'm adding a minute." This first-thing-in-the-morning-punishment thing changed the rest of the day. She knew she wouldn't get away with anything else.
3. Pick battles carefully. Kids do a lot of things that are just annoying. I have to make a conscious decision sometimes not to be annoyed just to keep peace. Also, I let her quit piano. She was amazing (I thought, anyway). But it wasn't worth fighting to practice.
4. Spending fun time together, just her and me, doing things that she likes to do. Even if that's jumping on the trampoline for hours.
5. Time. There were points that I thought we would never be friends. For a while there it was really really hard. But I feel like just this year I am starting to reap some motherhood rewards. I love spending time with her. I really think she is a cool person and fun to be around.
I've really revealed my craziness here, huh? Anyway... hope it helps.
Post a Comment