How do you raise a strong-willed child, who hates being told what to do, usually does the opposite of what you ask, and throws lots of tantrums?
Any advice would be awesome.
Or at least just tell me that it's a phase or something. Is there something called "the terrible fives" that no one warned me about? I love the girl to death, but man... it's been a rough couple years.
11 comments:
Good luck. Let me know if you get any good advice. The twins have been awesome, good natured babies (so I'm told) so far but they're just entering the tantrum stage and I'm losing my mind!
I am so there with Charlotte right now. I would love to hear advice too!
-One struggle we have is with bedtime. It has helped to talk about what we will do the next day and how our bodies need rest so we can do fun things. Usually she calms down while we are whispering and then goes to sleep. USUALLY - not always...
Ash, talk to Jessica Romney. I know Faith is a very strong-willed child, so I think Jessica has some good advice and tips. Probably some good books to recommend too. I'll ask her about it next time I see her.
I just read this article I saw on pinterest. I know when i do some of these tips - they work. I just have to remind myself more often and be more patient. For example, giving a 5 minute warning before we leave anywhere has saved my life! "We can leave now or in 5 min." works 99%. That 1% I have to say, "If we act this way when we leave, we can't come back."
http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/Obedience_Why_Do_You_Have_To_Tell_Them_Five_Times/
I'd say it's pretty typical especially since she started school and moved this year. Big transitions for her. Just keep trying =o)
I just keep telling myself when ( insert child's name) is fifteen I will be so grateful that no one will be able to tell her what to do because she is strong willed......
that and we try to take her on one on one dates often and that seems to help. good luck, and if anything works please share!
These are somethings that work for me/us. I do a lot of talking and time warnings with Kei. Like hey we have to leave in 10 min, then we leave in 5 min. Preparing her brain, so she understands what is coming and not freak out when its time to leave. She also doesn't really understand big talk so often I have to get on her level literally, kneel down and talk but mostly make things a game. If I say put your shoes on she refuses, put your shirt on "I can't do it" so we often race, or tickle or give stickers, or I start putting her shirt on and she finishes. WE go to the grocery store I give her a list of things to find for me. Find what your daughter likes to do. Kei loves to help, so she doesn't want to sit quietly in the cart. She wants to hold something, grab something and/or help find things. She doesn't respond well to traditional punishments like I'm going to take that toy away if you don't put it away etc. That induces tears and whining. So again we make it a game like I bet I can put it away faster or where's the red one?
Oh and I usually try to put her in the position of control. Oppose to telling her to do something I make her think she came up with the idea. So when we are to put toys away I ask, so where do these blocks go, etc. It's a mind game with her/us.
Aiden went through terrible 5's and terrible 6's! I thought we weren't going to make it past 6 for sure but suddenly at 7, he's like a new kid! So yea it's just a phase...a super long phase. :)
Hahaha, you are funny. Eden can be quite strong willed and does the opposite too, or just ignores me completely. That is the usual, and it drives me insane sometimes. I have been trying to be better about chores, jobs, rules, and rewards around here. Making the kids earn what they get from movies, computer games to treats etc. She isn't a big tantrumer, Tex takes the cake for those. She does storm off to her room from time to time and slams the door 3 or 4 times to make sure I hear her. I have been listening to a seminar that I love called "Let's Fix the Kids". It's something Jonathon was given through his work, might be pretty expensive. See if you can find it at your library cause I think it is great and funny. But, I think starting Kindergarten has made Eden super emmotional, so I am sure a lot of it is normal. I do think the jobs and making my kids earn stuff and giving them lots of opportunities to earn has been helpful though. She is still her strong willed self, but it feels like it has brought a lot more order to our home.
I know that I don't have any kids to base my advice on yet - but I was a very strong willed little girl. To this day - I hate doing things if someone else asks me to do them - especially if I was already planning on doing it. I think it comes down to motivation and perceived control.
What I've learned about kids when they are my patients is that they never want to do anything I ask them to because its unpleasant/scary and reasoning with them never works. What does seem to work is letting them know what needs to happen and giving them a choice as to how it happens/when it happens.
I'm sure you remember lectures from your psych courses about Piaget and Erikson's development stages.
Paige is in Piaget’s Preoperational stage where she views herself as the center of her universe, she’ll exhibit egocentric and animalistic thinking and will believe she is responsible for everything that occurs in her universe. As such – control/choice about things that seem outside her control will help her to manage her reactions more successfully.
Paige is also right between Erikson’s 3 and 4 stages – initiative vs. guilt and industry vs. inferiority. Basically this speaks to motivation – why she does what she does. I sent you an email with more info on those stages. I think I'm getting too lecturish -sorry. Good luck.
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