Halle Jane Carter (Birth Story)

Let me just say... I wrote this late at night when I was alone in my hospital room and Halle was sleeping. I wasn't trying to be super "on-the-ball."  I just couldn't sleep and figured I might as well document this while it was fresh in my mind.

Halle arrived on Wednesday, May 2nd at 4:02 AM. She weighed 6 lb. 15 oz. and was 19.5 inches long. She is so sweet, and we are so excited that she made it here safe and sound. Her birth is definitely an experience I will never forget...

On Tuesday the 1st I had a doctor's appointment and was almost 5 cm dilated. My doctor stripped my membranes again. I told him I had been having lots of contractions since Friday, but they were not getting regular. He offered to admit me that night and break my water. If that didn't work, he would start some pitocin. I had planned not to be induced, but since I really wanted her to come well before our move, I said "yes." He said I could come to the hospital at 8 PM on Tuesday.

All afternoon and evening I was having lots of contractions. Nate and I walked around our neighborhood a lot. For quite a while the contractions were about 5 minutes apart. They were getting painful, but not unbearable. Then at around 6pm I got a call from Labor and Delivery saying they were understaffed and I would not be able to come in that night to break my water. I was bummed, but also felt like maybe it was for the best. But I also told the nurse that I was having contractions 5 min apart, and that I might be heading to the hospital either way.

At around 11 PM my contractions seemed to be getting farther apart. I thought, Oh great, it was false labor. It's all gonna stop. So I decided to get some sleep. I laid in bed and timed contractions and they were more like 10-12 min apart. I eventually fell asleep, but then woke up at about 2 AM in a lot of pain. I knew it was the real thing at that point. The pain was getting intense really quickly, and my contractions were only about 2 min apart! Then I started shaking and threw up. I knew from my past 2 labor experiences that shaking and throwing up could mean I was really far into labor. I was pretty scared at that point. Nate and I rushed out the door and he called the hospital to say we were coming. I was freaking out the whole drive because it was incredibly painful and the contractions were coming so fast. We both thought I might not make it to the hospital. Luckily, we did.

Since it was the middle of the night we had to go in the ER entrance. They pulled up a wheelchair and walked me to L&D. I was embarrassed because I was so not in control of myself. I was in so much pain that I was sort of crying and hyperventalating with each contraction. Eventually I stopped caring, but it just sucked being in so much pain in front of a lot of people. I felt like everyone was staring at me.

It was 3:20 AM when I checked in at L&D. When the main nurse saw how much pain I was in, he sent me straight to a delivery room. I quickly changed into a gown and he checked me. 8 centimeters! Oh my gosh. I knew it was probably too late for an epidural. I have always wanted to try giving birth without any drugs, but I didn't think I would actually do it. One of the nurses said it was most likely too late, but then another one said they may be able to get one in time. I don't know what came over me, but I said, "I would like to do it without the epidural." I figured this was my one chance to do it drug-free since I was already 8 CM and I knew she was coming soon. I also thought there was a good chance that they could put the drugs in and then it would not kick in before she came out anyway. Plus, I know that there is NO WAY I could have held still for that epidural. I was in waaaay too much pain and the contractions were so close together that I hardly had a break at all between them.

My doctor arrived really quickly and he checked me again and said I had just a little bit of cervix left. I asked him how much longer he thought I had because I felt like I couldn't handle any more. He said maybe a half hour at the most. I thought, that is way too long! Luckily, I didn't have to wait that long. Within 10 minutes or so I was screaming and crying during each contraction. I knew I probably seemed like a crazy lady, but I didn't care anymore. It was like an out of body experience. I had no control. Nate was pressing on my back as much as he could and I was squeezing him and crying. He said he felt so bad for me and it was hard for him to watch me go through that when there was nothing he could do.

At 4 AM (just 40 min after arriving at the hospital) I felt extreme pressure and the urge to push. I said, "she's coming!" The doctor and nurses gathered around and I pushed my hardest one time. Her head was out. I screamed as I was pushing, and my doctor said, "try that again without screaming."  Ha ha. Easy for him to say. He knew I needed to focus my energy on the pushing though, so I'm glad he said that. Knowing that she was almost out and wanting the pain to end so badly, I pushed again without screaming as much, and she came right out! I will never forget that feeling of relief. The pain was over. Well, it still burned for a few minutes, but that was nothing compared what I had felt for the last hour.

Nate and I were so happy to see our little girl. She looked great. She was pink and crying and a good size. What a relief! She looks a lot like Paige did as a newborn. I'm so glad she is here and everything has gone really well so far.

P.S.  Her name is pronounced Hal-ee, like the actress Halle Berry. :)

What a mean trick!

Here's a baby update...

I had my 39 week appointment yesterday. My doctor checked me and I was 4 cm dilated (woohoo!) and then he stripped my membranes. A couple hours later I was having some random contractions, but nothing major, and I was also feeling lots of low back pain. Then around 9 PM my contractions were getting somewhat regular at 10-15 minutes apart. They were getting more painful too. I was getting excited because I was "sure" it was the real thing, but I was also terrified that she would come before Nate got home. He gets home at 11 AM today. I had those somewhat-regular contractions (generally 10 min apart) up until 4:30 AM, so I wasn't getting much sleep because they really were painful. And then... it all stopped. No more contractions or anything at all.

Is that crazy or what? I don't know how that could go on for so long and be so painful, and then stop. Geez. But maybe it helped me dilate more? I feel like real labor has to start somewhat soon if I was having contractions for that long. At least I really hope so.

I want her to come ASAP because we are moving two weeks from today, so I need all the recovery time I can get.

P.S. My experience last night helped me to remember something... umm, this is gonna hurt!

39 weeks pregnant

Paige (me venting)

Paige and I have been having a hard time lately. When I say "lately" I mean for the past 9 months or so. Maybe more. I love her to death, obviously. She is so smart and so funny. But she is also so strong-willed. I guess that's the word for it. She is definitely a leader and knows what she wants and hates being told what to do. It makes being her mom very, very hard. I struggle so much everyday, trying to be patient when she refuses to listen to anything I say and usually does the opposite of what I say. I often end the day feeling like an absolute failure because I have zero control in our relationship.

I have to share a little conversation we had today (which was a horrible day, filled with Paige screaming and lots of crying by both of us).

Paige:  I wish we could get along better.  (Sad, huh? I know... I feel awful.)
Me:  Me too. What do you think would help?
Paige:  If you just let me do whatever I wanted. I would be so nice to you if you did. I swear!


So that's where we differ on how things should be handled. :)  Seriously though, I never thought parenting a 4 year old would be so hard. I just don't know how to handle her sometimes. The weird thing is that Nate doesn't seem to have problems with her. He claims that when I'm gone she is much more obedient. What? He is so much more in control than I am. I really don't know what to do or how to be a better mom for her, but I have a feeling that things will get better with time. Maybe I'm wrong or just delusional, but I think this is just a phase. It is, right?

Easter

Paige was so excited to look for eggs that she fell down the stairs.

The girls loved Easter. Paige had so many questions about the Easter Bunny. Where does he live? Can I dig in the yard and find him? Is he a real bunny or does he wear a costume? etc...

I always have a hard time with holidays where you have to lie to your kids. I hate making stuff up and I feel guilty for lying to them. I know they're probably not gonna be traumatized when they find out the truth, but it still just feels weird to me.

Oh well. It was a fun day. :) I hope Paige got the idea of what Easter is really about. It's nice that it's always on a Sunday so that we can get the gospel message instead of just celebrating the Easter Bunny and candy.

If you like bawling your eyes out...

read this:

http://mycamokids.blogspot.com/2012/01/meeting-vi.html

I am so amazed and inspired by adoption stories, and I can't stop thinking about this one. Hopefully you won't sob for an hour like I did.

P.S. I've got crazy pregnancy hormones, so don't judge. Seriously though, read it. OK? Thanks.

36 weeks pregnant

I'm so ready to have this baby. The last few weeks of pregnancy are tough. I really can't complain much because I'm feeling fine and things have been really smooth so far, but I'm definitely excited to have this baby out. I'm pretty uncomfortable.

I have a few small things to do before the baby comes, but I'm not too stressed about anything. Actually there is one thing... I'm worried that I will go into labor the week that Nate is out of town. Hopefully that won't happen. He told me to just lay still for that week so that nothing happens. Good plan, Nate.

Loooong moving update

Here's what's new in our crazy lives...

In the past couple weeks we have been so busy almost every day. There is so much to do when you're moving a whole family from a house. I've been so stressed, but Nate has been calm and cool, like nothing is happening. I don't know how he does it. I'm so thankful that I married him. If I was married to someone more like myself I think I would be dead from stress overload. He always keeps me sane.

On Tuesday (the 27th) we listed our home on the MLS using a company called "MLS for owners." It's awesome because you don't have to use/pay a listing agent, but you get the exposure of the MLS, so it's the best of both worlds. On Wednesday we had 2 or 3 couples come through our house and by Wednesday night/Thursday morning we had TWO OFFERS. It was shocking. I was fully prepared to have our house on the market for months and months. I was pretty stressed about it. So this was an unbelievable answer to our prayers. I feel so incredibly blessed. The two buyers went back and forth a little bit, which drove up the price and then one backed out, so we accepted the other couple's offer. We just have to wait for the appraisal next week and then we can put up the sold sign and it will be more official. In the meantime we are still showing the house just in case this falls through for whatever reason.

On Friday Nate and I drove to Portland/Vancouver to check out homes for us to rent. We stayed with my good friend Jen, who lives there. It's nice to know at least one person over there. We've decided to live in the Vancouver area to avoid the state income tax, plus it's cheaper there. But we were not super excited about most of the areas we checked out. Portland has lots of nice areas, but Vancouver... it's a little harder to find the nice areas. We were feeling kind of discouraged when we were exploring on Saturday, but then we came across an area in Camas, WA that we really liked. We were driving around a cute neighborhood and I got the idea to check craigslist again on Nate's phone. There was a brand new listing for a house for rent that was in that neighborhood. So we called the couple that lives there and they let us walk through it. We loved the house. Plus, it's right behind a new elementary school so I would be able to walk Paige to kindergarten. Also, there are lots of stores (Costco, Target, restaurants) within 1-2 miles of the house too. And Camas is a pretty area, so we were excited to find it. We put in the application this morning and the landlord is going to let us know when everything checks out.

The downside is that the couple that currently lives there will not be out until May 7th-ish. Nate starts his job around April 16th and I'm due May 5th. Yikes. So our latest plan is that I might stay here in our house until the rental is ready for us to move in, and Nate will be in a hotel over there in the meantime. Some of that time he will be at a meeting in Phoenix though, so he would be gone for a week anyway. But the big fat dilemma is... how will he make it home when I go into labor? He claims he will just hop on the first flight out of Portland, but what if the baby comes really fast? We talked about having me get induced, but we both really want to avoid that. So I think we will just hope/pray for the best. Yep. Good plan, huh? :) But I do feel better about having the baby here, so it's kind of a relief to me. We'll see how this all plays out. At least my Mom will be here with me, so I won't be totally alone if I happen to go into labor while Nate is away.